Think before you complain

Before I go off on my rant, here's a quick update on me:

My Dr. said that I experienced a very typical early miscarriage, 25% of all pregnancies end this way due to chromosomal abnormalities and the body ends the pregnancy before it continues any further. I just ended up on the unlucky side of statistics. I didn't do anything wrong, there's nothing wrong with my body, in fact she said my body did an excellent job of doing what it was supposed to do. I'm quite fortunate to walk away from this still perfectly healthy with no further complications (so. . . way to go body!). Of course this doesn't mean I have hurt emotionally any less. These facts have helped me process the situation, but honestly this is the worst emotional pain I have ever felt. It has been horrific (I'm sure any woman would agree) but I am surviving, so that's what's most important. I am glad that I am still healthy and that my body dealt with everything that was happening and that it won't be too long until we can try again. And hopefully next time we end up on the other side of the statistics. :)

Ok now the rant:

So yesterday I was doing a haircut on a mother of a 4 year old girl. She asked the 4 year old to tell me what "big event" was happening in her life. . .

Her answer?

"A baby!"

Anyone who has lost a baby knows what I'm talking about when I say that there is a sting you feel around all pregnant women or babies when your wounds are still fresh. I didn't want to feel this way, but I can't help it. It's a natural reaction and it only causes me more pain, so believe me when I say I wish I could stop myself from feeling this way.

But I did well. I didn't shed one tear or feel any pain- I congratulated the mother and she said. . .

"Well it was a BIT of a SURPRISE."

And made a few other comments:

"Yes I'm still getting used to the SHOCK." (she's 16 weeks so she'd had 4 months to get "used to the shock")

"Well we only have one other room in our house and it's small. And its set up as my office. And I use it."

"This is such an inconvenience."

She did not have one positive or happy thing to say about her pregnancy.

I smiled pleasantly and tried to encourage her, but deep down, I wanted to strangle her. Obviously she didn't know what I was currently dealing with, but this is just an example of why you should THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

Yes I've been hurting. I'm sad that I was pregnant for 8 weeks and then suddenly not pregnant anymore. I'm sad that I can't bring myself to do something with the pile of maternity clothes I recently washed and folded and put in my closet. I'm sad that people say things that hurt instead of help. I'm sad that people who don't really care offer up empty sympathy.

But this? This was too much. I don't know how I finished that haircut with out slapping that woman. True, she had no clue what I was going through, but how hateful of her to be so nasty about such a precious gift.

Little did she know I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat, because then apparently we'd BOTH get what we wanted.

So this situation made me wonder how often I've complained about something that perhaps caused someone to ache. It made me realize that I should be more careful about what I complain about and who I complain to- if I don't know them very well- for all I know I could be thrusting daggers into their heart and not even know it.

Life is short! I want to be more grateful and spend less time complaining. I want to make others feel good, not bad. So this experience was a good lesson for me. And I hope for anyone reading that you take it to heart too- maybe appreciate the things you have even if they seem like a nuisance because there's probably someone out there who would LOVE to have what you have.

Less complaining, more gratitude!