I recently was in Minnesota for the Great Clips 30 year anniversary convention. It was a great trip and there were several highlights, but there's one in particular I want to write about.
On September 8th a little girl was born. Her name is Amaya Beth :) a healthy beautiful girl brought into this world by my sister in law, Helen.
So on the last day of my trip I got to meet her and hold her :)
Little Amaya would be the first newborn I've held since experiencing the loss of my own pregnancy September 2012. I've experienced a huge range of emotions so I was nervous as to what my reaction would be in holding her. Would I feel happy? Sad? Overwhelmed? Would it be too overpowering for me?
Well all of that was put to rest when I finally got that sweet girl into my arms.
When my daughter was born, a woman held her and said it was such a joyful healing experience, I was glad that Mercedes made her feel that way but had no idea what she meant.
Well now I know. Holding that precious girl made me feel warm and happy inside. It's a feeling I really can't describe. I have never felt that way before when holding someone's baby. I wasn't sad- not even close. Her cute little face, eyes gazing up at me... It was really incredible!!! Nothing but happy warm feelings.
I know I still have a ways to go in dealing with this pain. It has shaken me so much more than I thought possible, but I have finally made progress towards feeling better and truly healing. Holding that little girl warmed my heart and gave me hope. Soon I will cuddle with my own sweet baby, but for now I have my precious 3 (almost 4!) year old and a great bunch of nieces and nephews. So glad I got to see them all and especially glad I got to meet and hold sweet little Amaya, in her short life so far she's brought me happiness and healing and I am so happy for that.
I hope everything will continue to get easier for me. It's been a really rough road, I've had a lot of issues dealing with the emotional pain. I wish it wasn't so tough for me, however i cant really control that so i know i need to just keep moving forward. Making progress and finding ways to heal are what makes it worthwhile :)