I have just 2 thoughts on Christmas:
1. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. . .
No really. After spending almost $2,000 out of pocket for a front tooth root canal and to have all 4 wisdom yanked. . . and that's just this year. Basically the whole "Sarah's stupid teeth" saga started with my miss-matched teeny tiny jaws and really big teeth. So that meant about 6 years of braces, head gear, W wires, expanders, retainers... and a permanent retainer that I still have (and will have the rest of my life). Of course the lovely permanent retainer did not stop my top front teeth from shifting- and no thanks to the wisdom pushing my already crowded teeth out of their path.
And then there was the 4 molars being ripped out of my mouth (while I was awake- 8 years old. Felt. Every. Single. Thing.
Then, to top it all off, I severely chipped one of my top front teeth so very long ago. . . lets just say I don't remember (nor will ever feel) what it's like to bite into anything with my front teeth. Basically I get food all over my face because I have to bit into whatever it is I'm eating as far to the left side of my mouth as possible. (So fun!)
If that doesn't explain my extreme dental anxiety and 5 year hiatus from any dental services whatsoever, I don't know what does.
Now that all the braces are off, cavities from beneath the braces filled, and the wisdom teeth are gone pretty much everything is good, happy and normal.
Except that darn front tooth. It looks like a patchwork quilt because of all the shoddy work that's been done on it and due to it pretty much dying a painful and miserable death (abscess thanks to the shoddy work not holding up so well) it's also darker than the tooth next to it. AND it doesn't help that for some crazy reason the tooth next to it also has a big old stain on it. Except it's a bright white stain, which just makes the darkness of my devil tooth look even worse.
It's really a silly thing to be upset over, it's just the pressure of having that "perfect smile" from our society which caused me to seek out consultation which predicted a $10,000 cost to the "perfect smile". Ok fine, I'll settle for a halfway decent smile. . . well that consultation comes out to about $3,000 and includes 6-12 months of braces. Yay.
I feel horrible and vain for even being upset about it. But I cried after each of these consultations because I knew I just couldn't justify spending that kind of money purely on my LOOKS. I have had people mention my discolored teeth to me- heck once a "friend" even told me I should try some "whitening gel" to make it "look better". Thanks "friend"! Way to kill my already dying smile image!
So I am going the path of least resistance (and the one that leaves more money in my bank account). I am getting the recommended porcelain crown on my front tooth. The position of the tooth will still be a few millimeters in front of the rest of my teeth, the color will be better but still dark, and it will still be fragile so I have to continue my messy left-side-biting-into-my-food routine. BUT no more shoddy patch work quilt tooth and no more further complications until the tooth further disintegrates and requires an implant (probably in about 10 years). THEN perhaps I will be able to bite into my food normally.
So can I just say that I would honestly have asked Santa for 2 front teeth this Christmas. 2 brand spanking new front teeth, no stains, no dis alignment, just two beautiful pearly whites to give me a decent looking smile.
*sigh* I really need to accept my ugly smile the way it is and MOVE ON!
Less Vain Christmas ramblings:
2. Last Christmas was very sad. Adam was gone. . . and that pretty much sums it up. My family is so wonderful and they did their best to make it amazing and to make me feel loved (and they succeeded) but my heart still ached to be with the one that I love. Something about the holidays makes us yearn for that time with family- maybe that's the only time we get to see them. For the most part, it's a day we all know that we will not have to work and can just spend time with our family.
So not getting to be with my closest, dearest family member proved to make it a time of sadness. To make matters worse, Adam had no mailing address so the best I could do was a send him a Christmas E-card.
Needless to say this Christmas was incredibly wonderful! Adam and I had the time of our lives. . . No snow. . . no cold. My 3rd ever California Christmas, and his 1st. Let's just say I'm pretty sure he's sold on the California Christmas Concept!
But as I felt how lucky I was to have MY soldier home for Christmas. . . I thought about the thousands of soldiers away from their loved ones and the pain their loved ones would be feeling on this special day. I cannot even write about it without tears welling up in my eyes- because I KNOW that pain. I know how the joy of the holidays merely amplifies that pain (ok now the tears are falling, gah!) and to know that so many other people had to feel that way this Christmas. . . I felt almost guilty for getting to have my soldier home for Christmas. I yearned to be able to ease the pain for the soldiers and their loved ones. . . I told Adam "It should be mandatory world peace on Christmas- everyone stops fighting and gets to go home to be with their families. No one has to work, everyone gets to go home and be with their loved ones. Wishful thinking I know. . . but if you knew the pain, you would understand.
That concludes my Christmas ramblings.
