Postpartum Truth!

I grew up in an environment that did not put a big value on self image. I thought that having a good self image was being vain, selfish, or narcissistic. I thought I was supposed to put others above myself ALWAYS and that self sacrifice was a wonderful thing (and in can be, so long as it doesn't make you a fatigued, depressed, miserable individual).

Over the past few years I've been learning to take care of myself and to love myself. Not in a "I'm better than everyone" sort of way, but in a "I like myself just the way I am" and reaching an attitude of self acceptance. Ironic because I remember learning we should accept our "unchangables" but I never learned to love and appreciate myself and my body.

WHY do I think it's important to love and appreciate oneself? It makes you a better person. A better parent. A better spouse. A better employee. Just- better. If you really want to be able to give all you can to those around you (or if you don't!) either way- being in a good place YOURSELF is the first step.

Having a baby is a pretty traumatic thing for your body and your self image. Your body goes through so many changes- some of which are permanent and not exactly pretty. I am fortunate to have a good metabolism and to enjoy exercise and being active. But that doesn't make me invincible to all the changes pregnancy causes! So here's the truth- here's me baring it all (nearly).

Recovery from a pregnancy takes a while! Probably one of the most noticeable postpartum ailments is the stretched out puffy tummy.

Here's pics of me the day before I went into labor with my 2nd child, 36 hours after and 1 week after:

This is withOUT exercise (only walking). One of the benefits of breast feeding is that it caused the uterus to cramp down and return to it's normal size much quicker that not breast feeding. So I attribute this change to breast feeding :-) I do look at the 36 hours after picture and think WOW I was still so big! But after being pregnant I felt so skinny! Perspective changes everything!

Unfortunately I haven't been able to exercise a whole lot yet, but I have a little. I've also been using coconut oil to help reduce the appearance of my stretch marks (perhaps a placebo, but who cares!):

This is the day after he was born- they really aren't that bad and are already small and white. My belly button was still an outie for about 3 weeks after giving birth. Most of these (perhaps all?) were from my 1st pregnancy.

The skin over my stomach is still loose and a bit puffy. Nothing some looser/gathered clothing can't hide for the time being. I definitely recommend buying new clothes after having a baby. Even if you get back to a good weight right away, give yourself time and realize maybe you WON'T fit back in your regular clothes- oh well. Just an excuse to buy more! Stick with looser tops and go up a few sizes from what you regularly wear. If you try to shove yourself into pre-pregnancy clothes or shop for your pre-pregnancy size you will only make yourself feel bad, so don't even bother. Enjoy being able to wear styles that perhaps weren't flattering on you before, but now are. Be creative! Try on something you might never have considered before! have fun!

I would probably look even better if I had time to exercise more, but I'm not going to be upset over it. I'm doing what I can and that's what matters. I'm thankful that I missed out on the last 3-5 weeks of pregnancy and only gained 22 lbs the entire time. A higher weight gain (I gained 35 lbs with my 1st) takes a bit longer to recover from and also causes more skin stretching. I'm lucky that both my children were early and healthy and that my weight gain was healthy and very minimal!

My advice to all pregnant/postpartum mothers:

Your body may never be the same, but be patient. Enjoy your baby and know that gradually you will recover. Even a small amount of activity is enough to make a difference- just walking 15 minutes a day can help a lot. Experiment with different lotions and skin treatments and find one that makes you feel good and works for you. Even if it's only a placebo affect, it's worth it!

When I had my first child I was in so much shock over my new body that I found myself pretty depressed and sad. 4 years later the "scars" of my pregnancy and faded quite drastically (Thanks to my youth, exercise, and my metabolism). Knowing this, it was easier this time to accept and love my body during and after pregnancy. Have faith that you are beautiful- even with the permanent "scars". Do what you can to make yourself feel good during and after pregnancy. Remember that every little bit counts! You will be a better, happier person- and mother for it. 

Happy childhood memories

I would like to share some of my happy childhood memories because, despite having grown up in an independent fundamentalist baptist church and with the homeschool teachings of Bill Gothard, Vision Forum, Michael and Debi Pearl- I do have a lot of happy memories that I cherish. You see I really did have great parents who wanted what EVERY parent wants: happy, healthy children. Unfortunately the sources I listed above preyed upon the desires of many parents by promising them happy, healthy, GODLY children. In reality the teachings ended up causing more damage than good. I am one of many who grew up under these teachings and I am no where close to being the first to write about my experiences with them. Here are some of my favorite blogs if you would like to read more about these teachings and their harm:

Recovering Grace

Defeating the Dragons

Darcy's Heart Stirrings

And my very favorite blog which is probably closest to my current line of thinking:

Love Joy Feminism

Alright, on to the good part:

Book reading

My favorite part of being homeschooled and also of the leisure reading my mother provided for us- BOOKS! My parents had an ample supply of books for us kids and that's something I ALWAYS loved. Part of our schooling involved reading together, out loud. I always enjoyed this (although I will whole heartedly admit I did NOT enjoy 6am bible/wisdom book readings- seriously worst idea ever!). My mom would also spend a great deal of time reading aloud to us for leisure every evening. My favorite memories are of her reading many classic books to us- The Little Princess, Robin Hood, etc. I'm sure there are many who would say reading such secular materiel to us was "damaging" but I'm glad my parents ignored that nonsense and read these great stories to us anyway!

Trips to the zoo

I grew up close to one of the nations top zoos and so we made regular trips there over the years when I was growing up- being homeschooled we were often able to go when it was quiet and we would practically have the entire zoo to ourselves! Sometimes we would go with other homeschooled friends, sometimes just our family would go. Either way it was always a great time and to this day I LOVE visiting that zoo. 

Camping

Having grown up in a large family we never took expensive or exotic vacations- but that didn't stop my parents from getting us out and into nature! I remember camping trips from a very young age and it was my favorite part of our summers! We usually camped with friends and would either hike or visit local attractions. We visited many campgrounds in the state we lived in and neighboring states and enjoyed a variety of scenery as well as great times with our friends! I loved helping set up our tents and camper and the entire experience, it was great.

Hiking

Aside from camping sometimes we would take day trips to go on hikes at state parks near where we lived. We hiked bluffs, saw water falls, or simply walked through forests- I enjoyed this equally as much as camping and often we would camp near areas that we could go on day hikes from which was the best of both worlds for me! 

Playing outdoors

I had a very vivid imagination as a child and loved playing- especially outdoors. Growing up in an area that experiences all 4 seasons in full swing- I spent the winters building snow forts and sledding and the summers swimming and running around like a maniac! We often played with friends in the neighborhood or other homeschooled friends and it was always a grand time!

Bike rides

My parent would take us for family bike rides- I always enjoyed it but I am extra grateful now that they kept us active and healthy on a regular basis. I've enjoyed the benefits of that to this day!!

Old movies

My dad used to rent his favorite movies for us- all the old disney classics and other classic movies. I love that I know who Steve McQueen was and get a lot of funny references in newer movies that others don't get. Also, I've seen a lot of original sci-fi movies that have been remade now. I loved watching these old movies with my family!

Star Trek with dad

I get my sci-fi nerdness from my dad, most definitely. I have many happy memories of watching Star Trek with him at night and I was also so fascinated by all the aliens and crazy adventures that happened. To this day I absolutely LOVE sci-fi and would consider it my favorite genre!

Trips to California 

When I was 15 my mom took me to California- just me and her. Since it wasn't exactly affordable to take 7 kids all at once on a 4,000 mile round trip she took each of us by ourselves each year. I absolutely LOVED my trip to California! I got to develop relationships with my cousins and aunts and uncles- see the ocean for the first time- go to disneyland- the WORKS. I cried when our plane took off back to Minnesota- I knew I wanted to live in California some day already.

A few years later we were able to drive out there for Christmas. We had a fabulous time with all our family together and made some really great memories. I hope we can all be together again for christmas one day soon! (Which is quite a feat with 3 living on the east coast, 11 in Minnesota, 1 in New Zealand and the rest here in Cali!)

Coming soon...

Preview (and reminder to myself) of blogs posts I am (slowly) working on and will be sharing hopefully soon:


Happy Childhood Memories

In case anyone thinks I hated my childhood due to all my posts about leaving the fundamentalist movement I was raised in, I'd like to clarify a few things: I do have lots of happy memories and I'd like to outline these. I also want to talk about how much I understand that parents #1 desire is to raise their kids the best they can- but that as parents we will all make mistakes- and that's OK. My anger is directed towards the fundamentalist movement and several programs that were very popular in the 80's and 90's but have seemed to lose steam over the past decade (Bill Gothard ATI/IBLP, Michael and Debi Pearl "To train up a child", "Quiverfull", Little Bear Wheeler etc etc etc). These programs enticed so many parents thinking they had a fool proof system to raise their children to be good upright christians. . . unfortunately a lot of the teachings ending up being more damaging than helpful. I am not going to go into too many details of this, but rather focus on all the good things that I appreciate about how I was raised. I suggest visiting http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/ to learn about the programs I mentioned and how/why they are damaging.

My guide to a happy & healthy pregnancy

I'd like to share with you about all the things I did to help my pregnancy and delivery experience with Bradshaw go SO much better than it did with Mercedes. A lot of this has to do with my new way of thinking and operating in life and I'd like to show the differences and how it helped me stay healthier mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Postpartum Truth

I want to share the truth about being postpartum and what it takes to regain your health (and shape) post-delivery. I've already been documenting my journey thus far with pictures that will show my postpartum belly and stretch marks- what products I use, exercises I do etc and the results. I'll admit I'm a little scared to be this open and share this much detail, especially as it's been a very sensitive area for me in the past but I really want other women to see the truth and that pregnancy doesn't have to ruin your body! I also want to document my emotions throughout postpartum recovery and what I do to help manage the roller coaster, baby blues and postpartum depression (if I have it again, hopefully not, but if so I want to document and share my journey to help others understand it better).

I'll probably work on these posts simultaneously during my midnight nursing sessions with Brad- and so I'd like to know which one YOU'RE most interested in reading- and I'll focus on getting that post up and blogged first!

The woman I was supposed to be

This is what happens when you are up in the wee hours of the morning breast feeding a newborn and contemplating many thoughts on life. I've been working on this post for the last few days and now it's finally ready:

I am not the woman I was supposed to be. I have realized this is probably a source of disappointment for those in my life. I guess I never gave much thought until recently- well how was I SUPPOSED to turn out?

This is my perception of what I wanted to be (rather, thought I wanted to be) and what I think I was supposed to be "when I grew up":

I got this impression from the sermons, conferences, books, and conversations I grew up around. Sure it was never demanded of me and I was never told "sarah this is what you're supposed to be!" But nonetheless this is what was impressed upon me from a young age:

I was to be a godly woman who put god and church above all else. A woman who submitted to her father, then after a parent approved courtship and marriage- submission to my husband. A woman who didn't use birth control (maybe the "rhythm" method- MAYBE). A mother who stayed home and homeschooled her children. A wife to a godly husband- maybe a pastor or missionary. A husband who provided 100% and would "lead" our family. A woman with a calling to ministry (I at one point even felt "called" to minister to the deaf and struggled with feeling like a huge failure for not doing so). A woman who often played instruments/sang in church. A mother who raised "godly" children. A woman who read her bible and prayed daily.

You get the picture.

And if you know me, you know that I am NONE of these things!

And not for lack of trying! Or believing! I believed it all. I desired it truly. I really believed that was what was best for my life.

When it all came crumbling down I was devastated. I tried submitting. I tried courtship. I did everything how I was supposed to, and I still failed. To this day I'm not exactly sure how I failed, but it's pretty obvious that SOMETHING isn't going right when you are told you cannot help with childrens/teen ministries anymore, cannot sing in the choir, and need to move out- all because you're not operating "under authority". 

Was I sneaking out of the house to do "bad" things? drugs? drinking? was I blatently and intentionally disobeying my parents? Was I dressing immodestly? Was I engaging in pre-marital sex? (bear in mind I was 18 years old at this time)

The answer is NO. I hid my body in jean skirts and high collared shirts. I never openly or intentionally defied ANYONE. I was not drinking, doing drugs, or having premarital sex. I was attempting to "court" the "right way" instead of the oh so dangerous and evil dating.

When I asked "What did I do to "act out" from under authority?" I was given a handful of examples of my disobedience- but in reality there were all a result of miscommunication- not me being intentionally and knowingly defiant. 

Thankfully I have an amazing friend who started this journey with me and has stayed by my side through everything. My husband Adam. I'm so glad he has been at my side through everything- all that we've been through together has bonded us in an incredible way and I am so grateful for that! We've had our share of difficulties to get throught starting at the very beginning of our "relationship" :

We tried to follow all the rules. And there were so many- don't hold hands. Don't sit next to each other. Don't look at each other too much. Don't rest your head on each others shoulders. Don't talk to each other so much when others are around. Don't spend too much time talking to each other AT ALL- (15 minutes seemed to be the max). No lolly gagging when it was time to say "goodbye". 

All we wanted was to spend time TOGETHER. And apparently this was a huge crime.

This used to make me so angry. Now I find it almost comical, but I have to admit sometimes it still hurts. As time goes on I realize how silly my situation was. How silly it all was. What a complete waste of life it was to be so worried about such ridiculous things.

Anyway...

Finally I realized things weren't adding up. I realized Bill Gothards principles of "courtship" were fabricated bullshit. I talked to other adults and we realized we weren't evil an could make our own decisions and that was ok.

That was when I began learning to think for myself. It's also when the woman I was "supposed" to be started dying and the woman I have become today began emerging. 

Now what's funny to me is that life was anything BUT fulfilling when I was well on the path to the woman I described earlier. I was lonely, constantly felt like a failure, and was often depressed. I have no doubt I would still feel the same way if I had stayed on that path. When Adam and I were first married I still tried my hardest to be that woman- and I failed miserably. 

Finally I transitioned into letting that idea go- into NOT trying to become that woman. 

And now I'm glad I'm not that woman. I like me just the way I am. I am happy. Life is fulfilling. Life is enjoyable. It still has ups and downs- very much so- but I don't feel lonely, like a failure, or depressed. I love being a working mother. I love being in an equal marriage (in other words, I love NOT submitting!). I love mornings filled with my family's love (and coffee!). I love Sunday being... Just another day. I love using modern medicine to take care of my health as a woman and my reproductive system. I love not worrying about my kids being "godly" or not. I love being free to just love them- and not load them up with expectations (so I don't have to be uber disappointed if they don't end up *gasp* GODLY or not).  I love teaching my kids HOW to think verses WHAT to think. I love encouraging them to ask as many questions as they can. I love not having to worry about them reciting a prayer of "salvation" as soon as they can be convinced to do so. I love being able to enjoy a career AND motherhood and do not feel I am less of a mother for doing so.

I love being able to enjoy life- and not be caught up in silly INSIGNIFICANT things... I don't have to care about who's holding hands, resting their head on a shoulder during a movie, locking eyes too often- I don't really have to care about ANYONE'S choices.

If another woman is happy and fulfilled in life being what I "supposed" to be? Good for her. I'm glad that's what works for her! I really, truly am. Maybe a bit of who i was supposed to be and who I am today mixed together works great for someone else- and again- that's wonderful! But that wasn't what was best for me- I'm perfectly OK with that. I wish it wasn't a disappointment or a let down to some of the people who care about me- 

but I'd rather be a disapointment to others... than a disapointment to myself. 

Because you see when I do what's best for me and take care of myself the results in my life are much more positive than when I focus on trying to be something I am not meant to be or solely on pleasing others- that is exhausting, depressing, and impossible to succeed at. By trying to make myself into something that wasn't working I was setting myself up to fail- and to keep failing. 

So I'm not the woman I was supposed to be- but I can tell you another thing I am not:

I am no longer a failure. 

And THAT is truly priceless!

The things people say

Between cell phones, facebook, my job and living around the general population I get the pleasure of observing, reading, and listening to all the interesting things people will say to each other. 

It's fascinating. 

From a rude text message to a shocking facebook status to a face to face conversation- I find myself intrigued with what people say and why they say it. 

For instance, yesterday I had an interaction with an older man in which he started telling me about a TV show and how "the blacks. . . sure are unruly people."

Then he went on to make the following statement:

"If Lincoln could see how things are today, he would never have freed those slaves."

At first I thought maybe it was some sort of crazy, NOT so funny joke. Then I realized he was DEAD SERIOUS. 

He went on to talk about how prisons contain 90% "black" individuals and some other (incorrect) statistics to prove his point. 

Unfortunately I was not in a position to freak out on this bigoted old man, as much as I wanted to. So I abruptly changed the subject and I think he got the point when my response to his horrific statements was "So, what are you doing today to enjoy the nice weather?"

He mumbled something about his plans for the day and thankfully that lasted until the encounter was over and he was on his way far away from me and my raging pregnancy hormones before I did or said something I would regret. 

I did find myself in quite a bit of shock at his statement- first off that he would say something so awful to a STRANGER in a public place and secondly- he seriously believes that SLAVERY should never have ended!!! What? how? People like this still exist?!!!!

Not only do they still exist, the same type of reasoning is used to defend many other beliefs that humanity should not be considered equal- for one reason or another. 

As crazy as we think that someone would think slavery is acceptable, we still find ourselves surrounded with reasons and excuses to exclude people from equality. 

But I have faith- if you are one of those people, 50 years from now you'll be telling a young person the same things you're saying today and it will be just as shocking and disgusting to 99% of humanity as this mans belief that "blacks should still be slaves". You'll be that bigoted old man- or woman- but the difference will be your cause will have lost support decades ago and no one will be listening anymore. 

Not so much fun. . .

I have really tried not to bitch, whine, and complain too much about the ailments of pregnancy. I know they are temporary and WELL worth the outcome of a healthy baby and the resulting love and joy. I also am just incredibly grateful that I can conceive and carry a child to begin with- it's often something to be taken for granted.

Having a good attitude has definitely helped me with all of my ailments, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

And so I need to vent. Recently I've heard comments about how "Lucky" I am to sit around at home, taking my daughter to the pool, sitting in the sun, and not having to work full time. Honestly there's not much else I can do, here's why:

I realized the other day how much worse this pregnancy has been than my pregnancy with our daughter. Technically I FEEL better- mentally, spiritually- and that has made a huge difference. But physically? The pain I feel on a daily basis is much, much worse by comparison.

Once again I find myself anemic- I have low hemoglobin and low red blood cell count. This happens because the baby requires a lot of nourishment/support from my body which can leave my body depleted of certain resources. Basically this translates into fatigue- my blood cannot effectively get oxygen around my body and so my energy levels are extremely low. The cure? Iron supplements/food with high iron levels. And if only it were that easy.

Iron supplements cause nausea and extreme constipation. Iron rich food can be difficult to make into a meal, especially since it is useless if consumed with calcium. Apparently calcium makes it so your body doesn't absorb the iron- so it cannot be consumed within an hour of ingesting iron supplements/iron rich food. Trust me, it's not easy finding iron rich foods and preparing them with foods that contain little to no calcium, so mostly I'm stuck with the nasty supplements and their wonderful side-effects.

Extreme pelvic pain. . . in preparation for birth, the body releases hormones to help loosen and relax joints and bones so that the baby can more easily be delivered. It's really a good thing and since this is not my first pregnancy my body has already been "loosened up" quite a bit.

Unfortunately this translates into low back pain, hip pain, and general pelvic pain. This makes it difficult to walk, get dressed, stand up, sit down. . . basically it makes it difficult to move. Especially being on the more petite side, my small "loosened" pelvis cannot fully support my body the way it normally can. Add on some extra weight and concentrate that weight right above the front of my pelvis- you've got a recipe for some major pain.

The cure? Child birth. What I can do to help? the exercises my dr. provided and "staying off my feet". I've also been told this condition is much worse in subsequent pregnancies, which is why I did not experience this level of pain previously.

As much I wanted to believe that "sitting is worse than standing!" I can now testify to the fact that my pelvis literally SCREAMS at me when I stand for too long.

Yesterday I worked for a mere 6 hours and I WASN'T EVEN STANDING THE ENTIRE TIME. . . when I got home I could literally barely walk. To the point where my husband scolded me for working too hard and begged me not to continue pushing myself to work shifts beyond my comfort level.

This is frustrating for me as I enjoy my job and I enjoy working full time. I like to make as much money as I can and usually despise shifts of less than 8 hours. I happily stay late if it's busy and have no problem putting in a 9 or 10 hour day- those days are the most profitable for me as I usually make a lot of tip money and some overtime as well. It's not uncommon for me to have some overtime on almost every paycheck. I like this. I LIKE working hard. I LIKE being proud of myself for making as much money as I possibly can. This means I have the funds to do the things that I like and go places with my family.

But right now, I can't. And actually- it really sucks and isn't so "fun" and "lucky".

Pregnancy is different for every woman, not everyone suffers the same ailments or to the same degree. This does not mean one pregnant woman is more "wimpy" than another. For instance, I don't really have a huge problem with morning sickness- I feel very nauseated and have no appetite, but I am not constantly throwing up. It's not fun, but it's nothing I can't manage or endure.

Does this mean the women who are constantly throwing up and violently ill are just wimps? Or am I just tougher than they are- I can keep it down! I have a stomach of steel! What's THEIR problem?

No. Our bodies handle the hormones and physical changes of pregnancy differently. Some of us suffer more in various areas than others and to greater degrees. It's highly individual and it would do everyone a lot of good to realize this and perhaps mull it over in their brains a few times before opening their mouths.

:-)

"Different strokes for different folks"

I really enjoyed this NY Times article entitled "when God is your therapist"

Don't worry, I'm not slamming religion or prayer or anything like that. I just really liked how the author explained WHY and HOW religion works. . . for some people.

Personally, I've found myself in a place where leaving religion is what I need here and now. I'm open to changing my mind on the subject, but for now life is MUCH BETTER without it.

Many of you have seen my posts from recovering grace and probably think I gave up on religion because of the twisted teachings of Bill Gothard and having spent so much time in his awful program and in a independent fundamentalist baptist church that upheld very similar teachings. Maybe you're right, maybe this "ruined" my ability to effectively practice religion. . .

But again I want to fall back on something I truly believe: PEOPLE ARE NOT THE SAME.

As a result of NOT BEING THE SAME. . . the SAME THINGS are likely not to work for ALL OF US. I feel like it's not such a hard concept to comprehend, yet it seems a lot of humanity wants to force everyone into being (insert whatever religious/nonreligious mold you belong to).

But Sarah, where do you draw the line? What about morality? By your logic shouldn't we accept murderers and child molesters and all sorts of evil? After all "they just aren't the same, they're doing what works for them." ?

This is why I categorize myself (partly) as a humanist. Here's a definition that I like: "any system or mode of thought or action in which human interests, values, and dignity are taken to be of primary importance, as in moral judgments."

Harm to humanity is where I draw the line. Now of course we're all going to disagree on what actual "harm" is, whether or not that is harmful, so on and so forth. Well that's OK- I'm going to stick with my definitions and you can stick with yours (so long as they aren't harmful. . . ) ;)

I think physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual harm should be avoided at all costs. I think what consists of "harmful" is going to change the more we study ourselves and understand ourselves. I think this is why science is of vital importance and why we SHOULD be curious about how our mind and body function- the greater we understand these things the better we will be able to flourish.

Lets leave that subject alone for a while and move on to this article. . . Here's a few clips that I really liked (the full article can be read here.) Please note this is regarding Evangelical Christianity NOT fundamentalism/similar facets of Christianity. 

"I soon came to realize that one of the most important features of these churches is that they offer a powerful way to deal with anxiety and distress, not because of what people believe but because of what they do when they pray."

I think this is very true- religion can offer a way to deal with anxiety, stress, tragedy and it works really well for some people. Here's why:

"One way to see this is that the books teaching someone how to pray read a lot like cognitive behavior therapy manuals. For instance, the Rev. Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life,” one of the best-selling books of all time, teaches you to identify your self-critical, self-demeaning thoughts, to interrupt them and recognize them as mistaken, and to replace them with different thoughts. Cognitive-behavioral therapists often ask their patients to write down the critical, debilitating thoughts that make their lives so difficult, and to practice using different ones. That is more or less what Warren invites readers to do. He spells out thoughts he thinks his readers have but don’t want, and then asks them to consider themselves from God’s point of view: not as the inadequate people they feel themselves to be, but as loved, as relevant and as having purpose.Does it work? In my own research, the more people affirmed, “I feel God’s love for me, directly,” the less stressed and lonely they were and the fewer psychiatric symptoms they reported."

There's a reason WHY religion works for some people and I believe that reason can be explained scientifically. However notice that religion is not the only way to achieve these results in your life. 

"This approach to the age-old problem of theodicy is not really available to mainstream Protestants and Catholics, who do not imagine a God so intimate, so loving, so much like a person. That may help to explain why it is evangelical Christianity that has grown so much in the last 40 years.It can seem puzzling that evangelical Christians sidestep the apparent contradiction of why bad things happen to good people. But for them, God is a relationship, not an explanation."

I agree. Some forms of Christianity work better than others- most likely because they employ things that we need as humans to be psychologically and spiritually healthy. But again, it is my feeling that religion is simply not a requirement to achieve the same results.

I know this article is geared more towards prayer and it's benefits, but I feel like it kind of applies to the entire concept. Religion works for some people- again- THERE'S A REASON WHY. And again I repeat I believe these same benefits can be found outside religion. 

I believe one of the great things about humanity is our diversity- I think this should be celebrated, not condemned. We all need to find what works for us and what we need to fulfill our lives and I believe the answer will be different for each of us. What a relief it is for me to be in a place where I can truly just love and accept people for who they are- I don't need to "witness" to them. I don't need to "convince" them of anything. I don't need to be terribly afraid that they will end up in hell because I didn't do a good enough job witnessing and convincing them to change their beliefs to mine. . . it brings me a level of love and peace I was never able to feel before, I really cannot describe it. 

So that's the tip of the iceberg into my life of peace, love, and sunshine.

:)